Good Music, Good Family, Good Cause. . .

I have mentioned this family on my blog before. Pam and Joel adopted their son, Micah, from the same children's home that Max Rup is from. Pam spoke with me at length on the phone just before we travelled and allowed me to ask all the question I hadn't dared to ask anyone else.

They are now in the process of adopting domestically. Like a lot of us, they have been impacted by the lovely economy, but they feel that God is calling them to do this, and they are pushing forward as finances allow.

Pam has organized a wonderful benefit concert featuring the gentleman above. there will be a live feed on her website, http://theplacecalledhome.blogspot.com/.

Please join me on the 15th of March at 7pm to enjoy some great, family-friendly music, and an opportunity to support adoption as a way of building families.

Thank you!

So Much to be Thankful For

I always look forward to the beginning of the Holiday season, but this year it has been extra special for us. Last year we were waiting for Max Rup's passport. We had been waiting for it since October 2nd. I wanted my baby home for his first birthday, and was thinking that it was not going to happen. . .

Last year I was not with any of my children on Thanksgiving, but it was still a wonderful day. We were boarding a plane for India to get my son. This year Thanksgiving is also Max Rup's first "Gotcha Day." We've had him in our arms for one year. It amazes me because I remember it like it was yesterday, but it also feels like he's been with us forever. We expected to deal with adjustment and attachment issues. We saw none. He just simply fit.

This year we had a quiet Thanksgiving with Dan's parents. We watched our video footage of ISRC, which Max Rup was not interested in at all. It is also very close to Max Rup's birthday, so we celebrated that as well. When asked who's birthday it is he says "Max Woop" When asked how old he will be "two! (very loudly and exuberantly) When asked what he wants for his birthday "happy cake!"

Grammie made sure he got his "happy cake" and he really just wanted "happy frosting." He continues to be my smallest and loudest child by far. We all love him to pieces.

I am obviously most thankful for my amazing immediate and extended family. I don't know many families these days that are as close as ours is and who truly enjoy being together. I also have the three greatest kids ever and I'm thankful for their good health. I am thankful that this year we will enjoy the entire holiday season together, relaxed, and enjoying the preparations. I am thankful that this year I am so much happier in my job than I was a year ago. I know a lot of it was from the stress of waiting. When I went back to work I felt so refreshed and ready to deal with whatever came - I'm glad what came was positive change for a place I'm proud to work for.

These pictures were taken at our neighbor's house. We love to visit Peggy and all of the animals. The boys LOVED the turkeys. And yes, they did become someone's dinner yesterday. I love that we occassionally have the peacocks (in the picture above) in our backyard.

Thoughts on Birthmoms

Tomorrow is Max Rup's first "Gotcha Day." I know some folks don't use this name, but I find it sweet and simple and endearing. I didn't want to call it family day since we were a family before Max Rup, and we're a family while waiting for Mehrunissa. OK, back to the subject.

Today I worked on Max Rup's lifebook. I'm a gal that needs a deadline, and Gotcha Day as well as his birthday kicked me into gear! As I began putting it together, I started to get really emotional thinking about the amazing young woman who made the hardest decision of her life to put Max Rup in our family.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I had never thought about her before,in my career I've spoken to birthmoms about their sacrifice, spoken to women who have made other choices for their unborn children. I have read the literature, and have lways had a healthy amount of respect for birthmoms,but I got really emotional about it tonight.

I have this perfect little boy. He is so happy, playful, smart, funny - just plain amazing - but she doesn't know that. It's one of those things about international adoption - there is no openness. When we began this process I thought that would make it easier on us as parents. I think I was wrong. I would give anything to be able to meet this woman who gave my son life. It wouldn't even need to be that. I wish I could just somehow let her know how wonderful he is doing. That he is loved tremendously and will always be taken care of. I also want her to know that we will not let him forget her. He will know that she made a very brave decision because she loved him.

So, Tuhina, if by some miracle you are reading this - we share an amazing little boy who destroyed my keyboard the other day my dumping orange juice all over it and then rubbing it in. He's very thorough :)

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Homestudy #1

Done. And so painless. Our caseworker is this lovely lady who has been through the process twice herself. Lots of personality and she didn't mind my chatty kids or animals. She was actually quite interested in our livestock. It was just nice and relaxed and easy.

One more visit next Tuesday and then hopefully a quick write up and we can settle in for the long wait on the I-800a. She was optimistic that our wait for the official referral would be rather short. We are still hoping for our little girl, but just don't know. If we aren't able to pursue her, then we don't have a gender preference, and are quite open as far as special needs and age, although we're trying to keep our birthorder. We're along for the ride. It certainly worked out well for us last time.

This picture is the kids after we finalized Max. These elephants were made by a lovely lady on Etsy.com that loves all things India. Everything inside and outside on these elephants are from India, and the kids loved 'em. We wanted to do something special for all of them that day, and these elephants were perfect. I've already told her we'll need another one for our next child.

Quick Update

Hey all. We made our appointments for our Homestudy. They will all be done on the 18th. Then our worker will write it up (hopefully quickly) and we can file our I-800a. This is the document that has been taking quite some time for USCIS to process, so it could be a long wait for that. I love that they are "centralizing" this to increase efficiency. It only took us a few weeks to get this clearance last time. Now it is taking between 3-5 months. Very efficient :)


While we are waiting. . .

I am moving ahead with the Pampered Chef fundraiser. Another adoptive mom has agreed to donate her commission from our sale to our fund. She will write the check out directly to our agency. Her commission is at least 20% and could be more depending on her total sales for the month.


There are two ways to order. You can go directly to her site, browse, and place your order. I also have hard copy booklets and order forms. Items will be shipped to me, unless you specify to ship them elsewhere - so if you're "from away" please don't hesitate to order, just have the items shipped to your address instead of mine :)

If you are interested in ordering, just click on the link on the top right hand side of the blog. Thank you!

Starting to Fundraise for Mehrunissa

When we adopted Max we were able to do so without any fundraising or grants. Since we are still attempting to pay off the debt we incurred from the last adoption, we are looking for outside help to bring Mehrunissa home.

Since November is Adoption Awareness Month, we fingured it was a good time to kick off the fundraising. We are starting off with something pretty hands off. It is the creation of a site where you can shop at a vast number and array of stores and a percentage of your purchase will go toward our adoption. It is just like purchasing on line from the stores, but you click on them through our site. Please check it out:
visitourmall.com/labonteadoptionfund
Meagan, I expect you to do all of your walmart shopping online now. That should cover half of our cost :)

We will also be doing a pampered chef sale soon where the woman will donate her commission to our fund. You won't have to come to a party, you can even order online. I'll post more information on this soon.

Please use this month to celebrate adoption. Adoptive Families has a lot of great suggestions for celebrating this month.

Done

He signed. It was nearly the most humiliating experience of my life. But Max is ours. Legally and officially - Max Gerald Rup Labonte.

The Court

I've expressed my frustration with this plenty on this blog. The thing is there is just no reason for the delay we are experiencing. Last week I wrote letters to Senators and Representatives. One Senator's office got back to me only to inform me that due to ethics they could not be involved with any judicial matters. I don't really understand how that is a breach of ethics, but ok. She did say that if we had any problems with immigration they could assist with that. I wonder if that includes our I-800?

On Tuesday we had a slow day at work. Which is lovely except that I go a little stir crazy. Same desk for 12 hours is bad news with nothing going on. So I got on the phone and called every government office and official that I could find a number for. It was frustrating because none of them felt that they could do anything and several times I was told to talk to the registrar of probate (I can't even count the number of times we've spoken to this person). Everyone kept on saying, the judge sets his own pace. I felt like I was dealing with India again. Then Dan called and told me that there was a message at home that the court was "squeezing us in" on Tuesday! I had no idea what had happened or whether it was a coincidence (which I doubted).

On Wednesday I got a call from our representatives office. She was calling to make sure the probate court had contacted us and to confirm that we did have an appointment on Tuesday. Ahh, someone actually took some action for us! We were already going to vote for this gentleman, but he would have won us over if our votes had been going elsewhere. (John Nutting Rocks!)

We've been told that the paperwork is all prepared and ready for the judge to finalize, but he could still choose to make us come back a second time. We are assuming that he will sign, and we will apply lots of pressure for this to happen. There is no need of waiting any longer. If he does make us come back, it will most likely be a month later. If this happens I will not be a happy woman. I will make my round of phone calls again, and express my outrage to anyone that will listen.

I've had several people lecture me about being nice blah blah blah. I'll be nice until he refuses. At that point all bets are off. I will turn into mama bear protecting her cub. I need to thank my cousin Nicole for role modeling this method for me :) She does this day in and day out, and I'm not sure how. I was exhausted after one round. We all do what we need to for our kiddos.

More info

The "More Info" wasn't quite what I had hoped. It actually isn't much of anything, but I feel more informed. Before I lay it out, I want to clearly state that we're ok with this situation, we trust this agency, and we believe that we will be matched with whatever child God has planned for us.

So, we have one more piece of paper to turn in before we can do our homestudy. This would already be done except that our doctor lost my blood, and then sent us the paper signed but not notarized, and now she is on vacation. And so the frustration begins :)

Our homestudy will be completely done and approved within 6-8 weeks! Then we move on to the new I-800. This has been taking between 90 and 120 days to be approved. THEN we can officially accept her referral.

In the mean time. . . Mehrunissa is in an orphanage that has a brand new international license. They have just started getting the child study reports prepared, and we all know how quickly things happen in India. So whenever they get more information, they will share it with us "unofficially" of course.

It is possible that we won't be matched with this particular little girl. BUT, they don't feel that it will be a problem to match us very quickly with a child that would be a good match for our parameters (we are open to some special needs, and I don't want any lectures or warnings from anyone, thank you).

So that is the new run down. I'm still comfy and doing fine with everything (except the doc messing up) :)

I'll pass on info as it comes.

What we've got going on

Now that I've hinted around and people have been asking questions I thought I'd give a run down on what's going on.

Yes, we're adopting again. We are going through MAPS which is based in both Bangor and Portland. They will do our homestudy and be our placement agency. We would have used Dillon again in a second, but they are currently closed to new applications.

We are going about this a little differently this time. We found a little girl on MAPS waiting child list. There is no picture, no name, and very little information. We will call her Mehrunissa. She is one year old right now. MAPS said that this could move quickly, to which I replied "I'll believe it when I see it."

We were hoping to have more information on her this week, but that did not happen. I'm doing quite well without information. I know once I see that face, I'll be wreck again until she comes home. For now I'm quite content to plug along on the paperwork end. I am a control freak, so I have been frustrated when other folks don't do things on the timeline that I feel is appropriate, and I was irked when the lab people "forgot" my blood, so I had to have it drawn again, and slowed that piece of paper down by 4 days. I'm glad that we know what kind of paperwork we'll be needing soon, so we can have it on hand rather than having to wait for it like last time.

So as soon as we get the paper in from that blood test, we'll start work on our homestudy and our dossier at the same time. The other thing that's different (for adoption folks) is that instead of the I-600A there's a new I-800 that we'll need to do. I haven't really looked that over yet, so I'm not sure what's different about it. I know that's what we need the child abuse clearance from NY for.

That's the run down. That's all we know. Adoption is a journey of faith, so that's what we're flying on right now. We're hoping to have Mehrunissa home by summer, but we aren't counting on it by any means. We'll share information as we get it.

More Court Frustrations

Well, Max Rup has been home for over 10 months now and we still haven't finalized. Refer to my previous post on how we waited for 9 weeks to get fingerprint cards, etc. We contacted our attorney, who was willing to write a letter basically asking what the hold up is. When I called the court to aske them to fax our file to the lawyer, the gentleman told me bluntly that an attorney would not speed up the process "even by 5 minutes." Great. I explained to him that we were pursuing another adoption and needed this to be done. He stated that he was meeting with the judge either this week or the beginning of next and would bring this matter up. He said that he was confident that our case would be heard pretty quickly. I told that wasn't good enough - that I needed to know what "pretty quickly" meant. He said by the end of this year! THAT'S TWO MORE MONTHS! I expressed my astonishment that the process has taken this long. He said that the judge only does this twice a month. So he would hopefully review our case next time, and schedule a time to meet with us the following time, and THEN set a court date. I told him that I had been told the judge may finalize during that first meeting, and asked if it was possible. He said that is up to the judge, but that he would tell the judge of our situation and try to make that happen. He asked if I minded not having it finalized in the courtroom. ARE YOU KIDDING! I wish I didn't even have to meet anyone face to face. I'm so bitter about this, and so frustrated that I just want it done with. I used to envision a lovely gathering of family in the court, a smiling judge with pictures in front of the bench, blah blah. Now I could care less. It's become just another necessary Beuraucratic hoop to jump through. The only bright spot is that since the agency we are using to place Mehrunissa is in Maine, we will be able to choose whether to finalize in our county or the county the agency is in. Hmmm, easiest decision of my life!

Another Blog Buzz

To Commit your heart or not? There is much debate in the adoption world about when you throw your heart into the mix. . .upon first sight of that referral picture? Or not until the court date? Homecoming Date? Share your thoughts and experience!


Our referral came sooner than we expected, which is unusual for an Indian adoption. Everyone remembers that phone call, the discussion, and that picture. OH, that picture.

I don't think I had any choice int he matter. As soon as that face came across the screen, I was in love. I knew he was my son from that moment on. And yes, it made the wait for travel excruciating, but I wouldn't change a thing. It made me much more invested in the process, getting things done quickly, etc.

This time around is a bit different. We know there is a girl out there. We know her age and her medical condition, but have not been given access to a name, picture, etc. Even though I know she's out there, I feel pretty detached. The paperwork just feels like paperwork. I wish that I did feel more connected. That guarded feeling makes it not seem real. I keep on waiting for something to go wrong or fall through.

I think the picture, the name, D.O.B. - All of those things that we connect with identity - that's when my heart gets thrown in. I fall head over heels. And despite the emotional risk and uncertainty, I can't wait to do it again.

Red Letters

If you are looking for a quick, but incredibly powerful read, pick up Red Letters: Living a Faith that Bleeds. It is rare that I pass on a book after I am done, but I have already implored two co-workers to read it. And after you read it, I dare you not to live it.

I love that Tom Davis is able to admit his own human failings in this book. It doesn't feel like he is preaching to me, it feels like he is encouraging me. One of the most powerful parts of our trip to India (other than having my son placed in my arms), was visiting Mother Teresa's home. She never went into the streets of India without something to give to those asking for it. Tom makes the same statement. It is easy to tell people about Jesus. But it is much easier for people to believe in Jesus is you show them. Make their lives better, don't just show up, preach and leave them in the exact same situation as they started.

Tom reminds us that Jesus implores us to care for the widows and orphans, and of course you know that one of these causes is certainly close to our hearts.

Tom certainly practices what he preaches. Have any doubts? Follow his blog at http://www.cthomasdavis.com/
Also, enjoy this promotional video.
http://www.brightcove.tv/title.jsp?title=1113826255

Another bonus of this book is that when you purchase it (available at amazon.com, barnes and noble and many christian bookstores), you feed an orphan for a month. Read it, love it, live it.

Brothers and Sisters

So, I'm back tracking a bit because I wanted to post on this and just plain forgot. In August there is a Hindu holiday known as Raksha Bandhan. In essence, it is a celebration of the bond between sisters and brothers. We have decided to use this day to celebrate as much Indian culture as we can, as well as the bond of siblings. Traditionally, sisters tie a Rakhi, or holy thread, around the wrist of their brother, asking for loyalty and protection. Brothers bestow gifts on their sisters in answer to this request, and they usually feed each other Indian sweets.

This year we made up a big Indian meal, Maddie and I tried our hands at making Kulfi - it came out ok. We played Bengali music, the kiddos wore their outfits we purchased in New Delhi, and rakhi was exchanged. Making it even more special this year was being visited by Dan's brothers and their families. Bonnie, I know you won't believe this, but John even tried some of the Indian food - and LIKED IT!

On a completely different note - today while Madeline was at school, the boys and I went berry picking. Wild blackberries are delicious, and worth the "prickle booboos" as Myles calls them. The boys were extra cute together, and Max sat right down on Myles lap and gave him a cute little kiss while we were getting ready to leave. The two of them are so cute together. It was overcast, way better than direct sun when picking berries, and just as we headed back down the hill from the back field, it started raining. As we got back to the back yard the thunder had started - perfect timing. We got out of our wet clothes and enjoyed a nice snack of blackberries and cream. Reason #5293 I love living in Maine. :)

Myles on God

Myles and I had an interesting conversation this morning. . .

Myles: "Mom, where did you get me?"

Mom: "God gave you to me."

Myles: "Did you have to go to heaven to get me?"

Mom: "No, He made you grow in my belly."

Myles: "Mom, God is a She."

Mom: "Oh?"

Myles: "Yeah, and if you drive to heaven it's far far far."

Mom: "That's probably true."

Myles: "Can I have some chocolate milk?"

Court

I have been called to jury duty. I was supposed to do this right after we got legals for Max Rup, but after some phone calls and telling them that, quite frankly they could issue a warrant for me and I still wasn't postponing my trip to get my son, I got out of it for a while. I have no problems serving jury duty. I am worried about whether I can be impartial in the same court that is jerking us around and delaying our finalization so very much.

Max has been home for over 8 months now. We still have no idea when our court date might be, but were told not to expect anything until December. The court folks have been very cold with us, not willing to answer many of our questions, and causing delays for really ridiculous stuff. Example - we waited 9 weeks for the court to give us fingerprint cards that I could have gotten by walking to the court next to my work the same day. They are the exact same cards, no difference at all. They couldn't give us a reason why we had to wait for them to issue it, or why it took them 9 weeks to get them. Then they wanted us to wait even longer to schedule an appointment with the people they prefer to use to do the fingerprints - and pay for them to be done. We pushed and pushed about whether that was absolutely necessary, and finally they told us, well, no, you can really get them done anywhere. We called our local PD and had them done and mailed out the same day - for free.

I used to be really excited about finalizing. Thought we'd have everyone there at the court, a happy, friendly judge doing something fun for a change. Now I just want this over with. I don't even care. We have to meet with the judge prior to the actual court date, but have been told that he may just finalize us at the meeting, so we wouldn't even know or have anyone there. Very anticlimactic.

So, as I go into this court building tomorrow to fulfill my duty and serve on a jury, I may have to reveal my strong feelings against this court and the way they handle things.

Just some cute stuff

I'm stealing this idea from a couple other moms. I do not keep a journal, and my feeble attempts at baby books and scrap books are incomplete and terrible, I just want to jot down some of my children's cuter moments. Some of these are old. Figured I'd post before the list got too long.

Myles - whenever anyone calls his brother Max, he corrects them, "no, he called Max Woop (Rup)."

Madeline - my Aunt Dawn made mittens for Auri where the fingers flap open. Maddie got excited and asked if hers could have thumbs that flipped open (she's still quite a thumb sucker).

Myles - My favorite word that he says is Whobody, and I love his super hero pose. He is also the bloodhound of the family. We always know when Max has a poop, and forget about keeping flatulence to yourself. Myles will pipe up with "I smell sompin! (something)"
But, when he has a poop his line is "don't change me yet." Usually said while still exerting force to push it out.


Madeline - She got a little confused about the Pledge at school. She thought they were praying and asked if she could pray about her Nana. Her teacher just kept saying, "Bless her little heart"

Myles - Got out of the bath and said "kiss me, I'm kissable." He sure is :)
I also love his facination with bugs. He describes them with much excitement, "I got a hoodz (huge) mean bug with a hoodz mouth!"

Madeline's summer club - an imaginary place that she uses against people when she's mad. Example, "Auri, if you don't play with me then you won't be invited to my summer club." Apparently it's a pretty exclusive place.

Max Rup - He is quite the friendly little guy. We take him shopping and he'll yell to all passers by "helloooooo" while waving. If he doesn't get a response, he repeats himself louder and louder. The boy has an incredibly loud voice for such a little guy!

Attachment

How did attachment go during your first year? Describe what you did to prepare for attachment as well as the joys and challenges of attachment during your first year home?

Well, we haven't been home with Max Rup for a year yet, but attachment has gone much smoother than we thought it would. We know we're lucky, and we know that much of this is because of the wonderful care he got in India. He was held, rocked, comforted, and cuddled by his Ayah's and it is obvious. Thank God for those sweet, amazing women.

We really expected more sadness and confusion from him. When we first left the baby's home, he slept for a long time. But he woke up quite happy and ready to play. He wanted to be cuddled, and would just lay on my shoulder for hours. I'd keep asking, "Is he asleep?" Nope, just cuddling. I enjoyed this as much as he did, I'm sure. The title of my post on Gotcha Day - "Meant to Be" - says it all.

When we got home, he was pretty social, but did not want me out of site. He was clingy when we were home alone, and when I'd leave the room, he really did seem afraid. This got steadily better over the first month or two, but continued during the night. He'd wake up really scared until we went in to get him. We started out co-sleeping, but he is such a wiggle worm that he would fall off the END of the bed at night. Now that he sleeps a bit more restfully, we put him to bed in his own crib, but bring him into bed with us when he wakes in the night.

We read all the books and articles that we could on bonding and attachment, but I still think that the most important thing is to just be in tune with your child's feelings, and moods. Play, but also be there when they are screaming, fighting, and hard to deal with. This is when they need us most. Be consistant. This is important throughout our childrens' lives, so begin now.

Max still loves to cuddle - not only with me but the rest of the family - especially Maddie and Myles. He's also a fan of big, wet kisses from the dogs.

Starting Again

I've been debating whether to post anything about this, but I've decided that it would really be unfair to me and my family to leave it out.

We are starting the process again, looking at an option for another adoption from India. This is an odd situation. We are starting this process before we have finalized Max's (although we've been told that we are on the high priority list at the probate court).

I'll just say that we didn't expect to do this again so soon, but sometimes you can't fight where God is leading you.

We are at the very beginning stages. I have contacted a different local agency for our homestudy, since the international agency we are using isn't partnered with our old agency. For those of you who know us well, you know that this doesn't break my heart. The agency I have contacted this time around is much bigger, lots more resources and avenues of seeking support.

So we are treading lightly into this familiar journey, with lots more knowledge, but on a pretty different route. We know that this journey will probably not goes as quickly or as smoothly as our last, but we're up for the roller coaster!

Blog Buzz Money Question

“How do I do this, moneywise? I want to adopt, but it seems so overwhelming. We don’t really have $20,000 in the bank, ya know!” Please blog about your experience, ideas, insight, fundraisers and other ideas that worked for you while raising your adoption money.

Well folks, this is the type of question I was both afraid of, and excited about. We don't talk about the money part, because it is certainly the most difficult for us. If you are looking for brilliant ideas to raise money, don't look here. We simply used our home equity loan to fund our adoption. We will certainly utilize the adoption tax credit, whenever the county decides to let us finalize.

I know that there are lots of adoption loans, grants, scholarships out there. We didn't apply for any. I felt guilty. When we began this process I still felt like adoption was first and foremost for folks that could not have biological children. One of the reasons that we steared away from domestic adoption was because it felt competitive. We didn't have a strong pull toward domestic and didn't want to feel that we were competing with folks that did feel strongly about it and didn't have the option of biological children. The money was the same way. What if we were taking money away from folks with no children?

I do feel like we were called to adopt. We will do it again. Next time we won't have a choice - we will have to look at other avenues for financial assistance. We will be doing more fundraising, perhaps become a bit more public with our situation. We'll do what we need to do because we know that the end result is worth it. And we know that this is how our family is supposed to be formed. Anyone who has seen how amazingly well Max Rup fits in will have no doubts that he was meant for us.

For friends and family - I promise I'll post some good pics soon. We've got baby ducks, and baby Austin, and the 4th of July. Whoa - I'm behind.