We Are the Truth

"We Are The Truth - A Campaign and Call to ActionThe Joint Council on International Children's ServicesApril 12, 2010The outrageous treatment of Artyem by his adoptive family has rightfully resulted in outrage by the Governments of Russia and the United States and all who care about children. The tragedy has cast a light on intercountry adoption that says it is not safe, the system failed and adopted children cause insurmountable problems. The heartbreak of Artyem Saviliev’s abandonment has once again elevated a singular incident to a level which may result in the suspension of intercountry adoption. Suspending adoption, even temporarily, will only cause thousands of children to suffer the debilitating effects of life in an orphanage. You, the community of adoptees, adoptive parents, adoptive grandparents, child welfare professionals and child advocates know that the outrageous and indefensible actions of one parent are not indicative of how children are treated by adoptive families. You know that families who encounter difficulties do not simply abandon their child. You know that help is available, that solutions are found and that families can thrive. And you know that suspending adoption does not protect children but only subjects them to the depravity of an institution…and an entire life without a family.You, the adoption community know the truth. You live the truth. You are the truth. Join our campaign to bring the truth to light and help children in need find a permanent and safe family."

The minute I saw this story in the news, my thoughts were, "great, another excuse." I cannot count the number of times people have said to me, "We'd love to adopt but . . . " and this story would be another something for them to point to. What this woman did to Artyem is horrific and unimaginable. Unfortunately these are the stories that make the news and damage the entire adoption community.

Our story didn't make the news. We think that it is equally amazing:

Dan and I discussed adoption even before we were married. We knew that it would be part of our lives. After Myles turned 1, we decided it was time to make our move. Many families have profound experiences or backgrounds that lead them to adopt from a certain area or at a certain time. Neither of us had that. We spoke to a local agency that I did my field placement with in college. They helped us to decide that international adoption would be a good fit for us, and recommended Dillon, International. We jumped on board with relatively little research, but spoke to several families that used Dillon and were convinced that this is where we belonged. We were open to boys or girls, and because of that, we recieved Max Rup's referral the day after we got our I-171H (necessary before you can accept a referral). The call actually came to my parents' house, but I was there to take it! I couldn't believe how absolutely gorgeous he was, and how absolutely in love with him I fell immediately. 8 months later, we finally met Max Rup, and my blog post was entitled "Meant to Be."

Things changed pretty quickly with our second process. On Wednesday we were told that the little girl we had been pursuing was no longer available. We were disappointed, but knew that God had other plans for us. Well, we didn't think those plans would reveal themselves so quickly. . .Friday our social worker from when we adopted Max Rup posted an email to our forum about a little boy that she really wanted to find a home for. We poured over his information all weekend. He's almost 8 months younger than Max Rup, and this guy's grin can light up a room! We met with our Doc on Monday, and despite some unknowns we called Tami (our social worker again - yay!) and told her we were in. Tami spoke to the amazing woman who runs ISRC (the childrens home in Kolkata). Anju was so happy that Probal is being adopted by Max Rup's family. Anju told Tami that it was "God's Blessing." We completely agree.

Our truth about adoption is simply this: Adoption completed our family. Our children are amazing. We wouldn't change one minute of the experience.

Decisions, Decisions

Wednesday we had out transitional meeting for Mason. Before we get to the nitty gritty, a cute story: There were some dollhouse dolls laying on the table, one with white hair and a mustache. Mason kept on picking it up and saying, "Papa Jim, Papa Jim." If someone else would pick it up, he'd say, "I want Papa Jim." Very cute. He loves his people.

When Mason turns three (July), he will age out of Early Intervention and switch to the Special Education track. The focus will switch from his functioning within our family, to his functioning in an educational setting. Bottom line - they want him to go to preschool. He would receive Occupational and Speech Therapy in that setting if he qualifies. He will have evaluations done to see if he does qualify. Apparently Physical Therapy is considered a medical need, and not an educational need, so he will no longer receive PT through their program. We are seeing our private guy now, so that didn't matter except that I LOVE the woman who comes to our home. Not because the services are fabulous, but because she has been very supportive and she clearly loves my son and wants what is best for him. I am sad that we will lose her in June.

It doesn't make much sense to me that PT is not seen as an educational need since most of Mason's barriers to his education will be in terms of mobility (we think).

I have said all along that we would not put Mason in a preschool at this point. He will not have been home a year, and it would be one more setting, several more caretakers, etc. I'm not balking because of the quality of the placement they are suggesting, I'm balking at sending him anywhere other than home. Now I'm second guessing myself. Maybe he should go to a preschool in order to get ready for school. It wouldn't be that long that he'd be away, and they could really focus on how he works in that type of educational environment, and then we'd be more prepared for the next year and Mason possibly going to the K-4 program in the public school. We were hoping to hold him back and start him in this program at age 5, but apparently in our school system, this is not an option. They would instead adapt his Kindergarten program. It's not the same for me, and I was quite disappointed.

If we choose to keep him at home, we do have options of private services, we would just have to pay whatever our insurance doesn't cover. We are applying for an insurance for him that would cover that gap, but we've heard horror stories about qualifying, especially since he isn't a U.S. citizen yet. Our agency told us that the problem with private providers is that they may not communicate with the public school when the time comes to develop an IEP. However, I'm pretty sure we can invite whoever we want to those meetings. If we end up choosing to go with private providers, we will ask if they are willing to do this with us.

For now, we have agreed to let this agency do the evaluations to determine what they feel he needs. We have agreed to tour the facility they are recommending. We've also heard good things about this place from several friends. I've told Dan that it is his job to think rationally and make sure that whatever decision we make, we are making it for Mason, and not for Mommy who would like all of her babies to stay home forever :)

The meeting actually went ok. The folks were very nice, and explained everything to us, answered all of our questions since this is really our first go around. I think we have until June 9th to develop the IEP if we choose to, so we have a little time to think. I'm going to try to talk to the local school's Special Education director. Any thoughts, feedback, suggestions are more than welcome.

I promise some nice spring pictures soon!

Some Pictures

Maddie loves her Mason

Brett and Max Rup - sporting the Mohawk

Mason's Baptism. Apparently Derek didn't realize the lens was all smudged. No good pics :(

Maddie's favorite outfit. Thank you, Cady.

Spring Sledding!

Copper and Petri

Myles, ready for a Nerf War

Max, ready to defend himself

The kids adore Papa Winnie

Copper and his Boys. I love this dog!


Excuse this hodge podge of pics. After finally getting my camera back, I wanted to post some from Christmas, and random ones of home. We've had a run of stomach issues around here, but I think we're all on the mend now. We're very excited to find out that Mason will be seeing a private PT / Orthotist. We love the woman that comes to the house, but just don't feel like he's getting all he could benefit from. We are also very happy to say that my nephew underwent a significant heart surgery at the ripe old age of 15 weeks. He is recovery very well, and the whole family is breathing a sigh of relief!

Mason has been sick lately, for the first time really since we brought him home. He's had a nasty cough, high fever, vomitting, you name it. We've had lots of time to cuddle, and it has brought up a lot of feelings for me.

I get so emotional about Mason. Not in a bad way, but in an overwhelmingly thankful way. I keep on thinking about all of the things that had to happen for us to be connected with Mason. We were trying so hard to make something else happen. We had looked at Mason's file before, and nothing "struck" us about him. Also, there were so many people "warning" us about how difficult it would be, how much work, how things would change, that we should think about our other children. There weren't a whole lot of folks saying, "wow that would be great." I'm not upset about this, I just think about all of the chances we had to say no, to move on and just wait for a referral from MAPS. I am so thankful that we listened to God instead. That we knew he was our son. I spoke to a friend who has also adopted waiting children and she told me that the hard part was saying yes, and then everything is easy because he's your son. She was absolutely right. We were immediately at peace with our decision once we said yes. I cannot imagine him not having a family. I cannot imagine our family not having HIM!

While he was sick I also thought about the two and a half years he spent away from us. I have said before that I know he was well taken care of, that we are so impressed with ISRC and the Ayahs that care for these children. But I also know that there are a lot of children needing care. I couldn't stop thinking about whether or not he was held when he didn't feel good. Who rocked him? Who rubbed his back and kissed his forehead?

This was not a serious illness, just a typical virus that kids get this time of year, but it took a lot out of Mason, and we've definitely noticed some regression. I think he'll bounce back from it quickly, but it remided us that he hasn't been home very long (although we can't remember what it was like without him), and he's still very sensitive.

On a lighter note, we are glad that spring is on its way. We can't wait to get outside more, to start the gatherings at camp. My parents will have 8 granchildren by this summer, and I cannot wait to see them all together at the lake. It won't be long now. I'll post some new pics soon.

Wicked Cool Shirts!!

One of my "blogging buddies" is trying to bring her daughter, Abby home from India. One of their fundraisers is this wonderful t-shirt! I absolutely love them, and think they are a must for all of us India Moms!! Here's a link to her blog where she makes it super-easy to order!!

http://needhamfamily5.blogspot.com/

Skiing!

Myles is ready to ski!

Max getting ready for his first time down the hill!

Mason goes down with Daddy. He's ready to ski too!

Winter in Maine means skiing for a lot of people. We live in a very tiny community, but one of the major benefits is this ski slope. Spruce is a tiny little slope with tow ropes instead of chairlifts. My grandfather was just telling me how he helped to build the tow ropes and was the first to start up the one on the biggest slope (orchard), when my Uncle was in high school. Apparently my uncle broke is finger pretty badly the first run down!

Skiing is a very expensive sport, and there's no way we could enjoy it as a family if it weren't for Spruce. The bigger mountains are just too expensive, even for one day passes. My whole family grew up on Spruce and it is wonderful to be able to share that with my own children now. I am very grateful that Dan has the teaching gene, because I don't have the patience to teach the kiddos. He is wonderful with them, and it is so fun to hear them all beg to go with Daddy.

Today was gorgeous - a perfect day for all of us to go up. Myles is now able to go up and down on his own, so Dan thought it was a good time to start Max. He actually went out for groceries yesterday and came back with skis for Max! Spruce is the type of community place where Mason and I are able to watch the kids, hang out in the lodge, and catch up with lots of friends. Just a wonderful place.

This year we almost didn't have this wonderful resource. One of the local paper mills shut down which provided the power to run the tow ropes. Fortunately, at the last minute, a deal was made which allowed the mountain to stay open. This Sunday, Spruce filmed a spot to be sent in to Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. We are all keeping our fingers crossed that we are chosen! It would be such a huge loss to the youth, and the community in general, if this place isn't able to stay open in the coming years!

Take a look at all the fun the kids have!

Once again, more time passed than I had intended. We had an eventful week, with my return to work, Mason's first time at daycare, and some appointments.

Work went fine. Mason did wonderful at Holly's house - he even went down for a nap with no one laying with him! I ended up working more hours than planned, and by the end of the week, Mason was definitely showing signs of not liking it. He was clingy and anxious whenever I left the room. Nothing major, and kind of nice to see that the attachment is definitely there!

We had his appointment with the opthamologist who was not terribly concerned about the strabismus. Neither were we - it has resolved so much from those first few pictures that we had of him. The doc agrees that it will probably continue to resolve on its own.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about providers and services. Many of you know that the big concern that I have had from the beginning is the amount of advocacy I know we'll have to do to get Mason what he needs. I'm not an assertive person by nature, I don't like to hurt people's feelings or make things hard for people. We have Early Intervention services in the home right now. He is eligible for those until he turns three in July. In April we will have to meet and review his plan to start the transition into the Special Education track. It sounds like at that point they will push for him to be in a headstart or some other type of group setting to receive services. I know that this is good for a lot of kids, but it is not where I want Mason right now. At all. And the services we are receiving now are fine - we adore the lady that comes to our house, but I feel like it isn't enough. It isn't as much as I expected. With his issues I really expected to have PT OT and Speech at least once a week, and what we get is just PT once a week, and then that provider can call on an OT or ST if she feels the need. So I am seeking to get him in to a private physical therapist with wonderful facilities and a great reputation. The problem with this is the co-pay. $25 for each visit. Doesn't sound like much, but if we go once a week, that's $100 per month. Remember that we're raising four kids on a teacher and social worker salary. So, we've made the decision to apply for Mainecare for Mason. Our insurance will cover what they normally cover, and then Mainecare (Medicaid for out of staters) will pick up the rest. I was initially nervous that this would cut down on our options, but I think it will open more doors for us in the long run.

The other thing with providers I still haven't come to a decision on. For a long time we have been considering changing Primary Care Providers. My dilemma with that is that I LOVE the doc, but the office is very hard to navigate, it's difficult to communicate with them, and it takes forever to get anything to happen. For instance - even though the office had flu vaccinations this year, they didn't have openings for people to get the flu shot. Max has breathing issues, and Mason was just getting home with multiple medical concerns, and I couldn't get them vaccines. I was able to get them the same day I called at the office in town where we would change to. I think this is going to happen, it's just a matter of timing. I'm not sure what happens to referrals that have been made (cardiology) if we change providers. So it's just complicated.

The kids are all doing great! Reports cards came out and Myles' teacher described him as a "model student" and Madeline's described her as "a gem." Dan's question was, "whose children are we sending to school?" Maddie is missing both of her front teeth. She looks goofy and so much older for some reason. Myles can now ski completely independently which makes it much more fun for all involved. Max is getting used to his role as big brother, and we have lots of fun now when it's me and the two little boys in the mornings. Mason is just thriving. His language increases every day, and he's such a social, charming little guy.

I should have my camera back (thank goodness!) next week, and I really want to get his speech and his physical progress on video because it's pretty remarkable. Until then. . .