Saturday, September 15, 2007

Warning: this is a rant.

So, we're allowed one meltdown per adoption, right?

I just hit a brick wall today. Everything was fine and then stuff that shouldn't have bothered me, stuff I deal with everyday at work, became really overwhelming. I couldn't get my mind off of Max, and everything came back to that.

And let me just say this . . . I know adoption is unpredictable, I know bumps in the road happen, I know we were aware of this when we began the journey. And I know that I would do it again in a minute. Repeating this to me isn't helpful. It just makes me feel like you're saying that we shouldn't have done this. I don't regret the decision to adopt. I truly believe that Max was destined to be our son. This was our path, and I'm glad to be on it. BUT I'm still 8,000 miles away from my son, and that is hard. Perhaps this is one of those things that you just don't get unless you've been in this situation.
So I've decided to have my meltdown now. I'm supposed to go see two shows in NYC tomorrow, but I'm not going. I just want to be home with my kids. It's a waste of wonderful tickets, I'll call the theaters tomorrow and see if there is a way to give the tickets away. My husband is wonderfully understanding (once again, he's the rational one in the family).
I'm sure this will pass. Sleep and family time will give me some perspective. I really do trust in God's timing, and tonight I'll pray for some patience.


Amanda said...

You are allowed more than 1 meltdown per adoption. Trust me. I'm not even sure how many I had. I actually had a great case of depression going. All I can say is pray. It will be over. You will forget all this (because you won't have much sleep). I'll pray you get something soon. Be strong.

Kristi said...

I'm with Amanda, I had WAY more meltdowns than I can count. Tami gave me some really good advice during one of my episodes. She said to take a break from all of the blogs, forums, adoption websites, etc. Just for a few days or a week. It really helped me to clear my head and focus on my life. It was also much harder for me when other families were traveling. I really dealt with jealousy. I hate to admit that! :) Hang in there. E-mail me if you want to talk or rant some more...
Kristi (Daya's mama)