Starting Again

I've been debating whether to post anything about this, but I've decided that it would really be unfair to me and my family to leave it out.

We are starting the process again, looking at an option for another adoption from India. This is an odd situation. We are starting this process before we have finalized Max's (although we've been told that we are on the high priority list at the probate court).

I'll just say that we didn't expect to do this again so soon, but sometimes you can't fight where God is leading you.

We are at the very beginning stages. I have contacted a different local agency for our homestudy, since the international agency we are using isn't partnered with our old agency. For those of you who know us well, you know that this doesn't break my heart. The agency I have contacted this time around is much bigger, lots more resources and avenues of seeking support.

So we are treading lightly into this familiar journey, with lots more knowledge, but on a pretty different route. We know that this journey will probably not goes as quickly or as smoothly as our last, but we're up for the roller coaster!

New additions and the 4th

Most of you know that we've got a few critters around here. We've been selling our eggs for a tiny bit of extra money - duck and chicken eggs. Then we noticed that our ducks were, well, attempting to procreate, so we left those eggs alone. The other day Dan was greeted in the morning by a bunch of cute little ducklings, following their Mom all around the yard. SO CUTE!

The 4th is also known as Madeline's birthday around here. She thinks she's pretty hot stuff since there's always a gang around for her birthday. We always do lobsters, and have a blast down at the lake. Usually Dan's band plays at the Lewiston fireworks, but this year they didn't. Madeline was pretty disappointed, but fortunately the next door neighbors set off some nice ones during the bonfire. Illegal, perhaps, but greatly appreciated :) On the 8th we were going to Boston to meet one of my sorority sisters for the day. She was visiting from Colorado, and we couldn't pass up the chance to meet, however briefly. We went to the Aquarium, and since my sister wasn't feeling well at 8.5 months pregnant, we took Auriana along with us. The kids were really good, for the most part (meltdown at the end due to heat and being tuckered out), and we had a great time. The Anaconda was a big hit, as well as the sharks and rays. Max Rup kept on pointing to the fish and saying, "Big, Big Momma."

As we were getting loaded up to come home, Meg called and was all casual asking how Auriana was. Then she says, "well, I'm in the hospital 4cm dilated, so can you and Auri get here as soon as you can?" We didn't quite make it back in time. Derek (her hubby) just barely made it from work in time for the C-section. We did get to enjoy Mr. Austin James Armandi while Meg was in the recovery room. I still can't decide who he looks like, but he sure is gorgeous, and Auriana is very proud of her little brother.

After Dan dropped Auri and me off at the hospital, he took Madeline and Myles to their 1st T-ball game of the season (which Derek was supposed to be coaching). We don't have any pics since I stole the camera for the hospital. But Madeline did really well in the field - remember that last year her and Auri just sat down and talked in the middle of the field. This time she went after the ball and got to it twice. Myles hit the ball on his first pitch! He had a rough time running the bases the right way, but he'll get it. He is very proud of his helmet and can't wait until the next game.

So it's been a pretty eventful week or so for us.

Blog Buzz Money Question

“How do I do this, moneywise? I want to adopt, but it seems so overwhelming. We don’t really have $20,000 in the bank, ya know!” Please blog about your experience, ideas, insight, fundraisers and other ideas that worked for you while raising your adoption money.

Well folks, this is the type of question I was both afraid of, and excited about. We don't talk about the money part, because it is certainly the most difficult for us. If you are looking for brilliant ideas to raise money, don't look here. We simply used our home equity loan to fund our adoption. We will certainly utilize the adoption tax credit, whenever the county decides to let us finalize.

I know that there are lots of adoption loans, grants, scholarships out there. We didn't apply for any. I felt guilty. When we began this process I still felt like adoption was first and foremost for folks that could not have biological children. One of the reasons that we steared away from domestic adoption was because it felt competitive. We didn't have a strong pull toward domestic and didn't want to feel that we were competing with folks that did feel strongly about it and didn't have the option of biological children. The money was the same way. What if we were taking money away from folks with no children?

I do feel like we were called to adopt. We will do it again. Next time we won't have a choice - we will have to look at other avenues for financial assistance. We will be doing more fundraising, perhaps become a bit more public with our situation. We'll do what we need to do because we know that the end result is worth it. And we know that this is how our family is supposed to be formed. Anyone who has seen how amazingly well Max Rup fits in will have no doubts that he was meant for us.

For friends and family - I promise I'll post some good pics soon. We've got baby ducks, and baby Austin, and the 4th of July. Whoa - I'm behind.

Gotcha Day

Do you have any tips / advice / suggestions for your “Gotcha Day” for people preparing to travel to pick up their little one. . .This could include things that made your day special, an easier transition at home, etc. Tell us what worked (and what didn’t) for you.

This is such an emotional day. With international adoption, I think the entire time you spend in your child's country is important. We have two other children that we were leaving at home due to their ages (4 and 2 at the time). We did our entire trip in 6 days - not a good idea. All I could think about was getting Max Rup and getting home to my babies. Because of the travel and the times our flights arrived in the different cities, we got very little sleep the entire trip. we did very little sightseeing in either city - this was our huge mistake. My advice to anyone would be to see as much of your child's country as you can! This is especially important if you won't get a chance to return. When we got home, I felt like we had only seen the poverty and the filth. We had missed all of the wonderful history and culture.

Before we left, someone told us to buy, buy, buy. We thought we were going to do more shopping later in our trip, and new that Kolkata was much more affordable, but we never got out to do any shopping. Those tangible things that were able to bring home with us are so special and important to us.

Pictures are like this too. They are tangible views that you can show your child throughout his/her life. We took many pictures of the staff and babies at the children's home, but very little of the surroundings. Again, I feel like I didn't capture his culture, and the people of his hometown on film for him.

The actual Gotcha Day is very powerful, but don't limit your focus to this one day. Enjoy the whole experience - it's amazing.

Gotcha Day - Nov. 27, 2007

Updates

We're getting ready to do our first unneccessary post-placement visit on Monday (can you sense my frustration). Dan went down to the court last week to see why the confusion. The woman who usually deals with adoption related matters has been out on medical leave for quite some time. I've been dealing with a gentleman who I have found to be intrusive, not at all knowledgable, and just plain frustrating. Dan got to speak with the lady who was very knowledgable, and kind. She led him through the paperwork (the correct paperwork this time). She also informed us that even if we got an attorney, the process would still be lengthy.

At the same time, I spoke to a lawyer who was very familiar with Indian adoptions specifically। I expressed that I was surprised and disappointed that there was such a wait and process at this point. She told me that our county is certainly the most "oh, let's use the word dilligent." Great. Slow judge in India, slow judge in Maine. The other thing that she mentioned was that usually she completes all of the paperwork and files it as soon as the family comes home. Then she just hands in the post-placement reports as they come, so no time is wasted. We were under the impression that we couldn't file anything until the initial 6 months had passed.

We had really expected to get much more support with the court process than we have. I guess I had high expectations, and this is one area that we will reconsider when we do this again. I take full responsibility for the decisions in this area, and don't feel I can say much more, but my decisions in this area were not based on the research I did on other areas of our process. Next time it will be.

The woman with the probate court said that right now there are only three cases in the judge's drawer right now. However, we have to have our fingerprints done, and oddly, it takes 2-4 weeks for them to get the cards that we need to make the appointment. This makes no sense to me. After that, we need to wait for our fingerprints to clear, and then we can get an appointment with the judge. After this meeting, he will set a court date. We made it very clear that we are very flexible and can come in with an hours notice. So who knows.

The other update I wanted to provide was on my friend। Thank you to everyone who sent prayers, positive energy and other well wishes. Casey was on her way from one of our offices to the main office to drop off paperwork when she was struck head on by a man going North in the Southbound lane of the interstate. She had no time at all to respond. She had a brain injury and many broken bones, compound fractures to her legs. It was very scary for the first week, and she was kept in a coma. She is now awake, recognizing folks, has a sense of humor (which is so important for her :) So we are very glad to see her recovering so quickly, and it has been such a joy to get to know her family. We can't wait to have her back at work!

OK, here are some of the recent pics. Myles' eyes are so gorgeous in some of these. He is truly so sweet and sensitive.

How do you choose which country you will adopt from? I think each family has a unique story as to how and why they made their decision.

For us, we initially considered domestic adoption, but it somehow felt competitive to us. We didn't want to be in a pool with others, selling ourselves. It just didn't feel like the right way to go for us.

We are not from a diverse community and wanted to have at least some connection to our child's birth country. My sister had recently travelled to India to volunteer at an orphanage. We fell in love with the pictures she was sending back of the people, especially the children. In addition to this, she had many friends from India that we hoped would be resources as we began the journey.

As we were completing our dossier for India, our local home study agency called with a unique situation. While they usually had long waiting lists for domestic infants, at the moment they had a baby and no families to match it with. We were offered the opportunity to complete a profile for the birth mother to review. We initially said yes. It seemed easier, faster, and it made sense in our heads. I couldn't sleep that night. It just didn't feel right to me. I talked to Dan about it the next day and we both agreed. Our baby was in India. This baby was more convenient, but it wasn't ours. We were sure that India was the right path.

The epilogue to that story is that the birth mother of the little boy offered to us decided to parent her child and is doing very well. Although we didn't have strong preferences to begin with, once on the journey we knew where our child was.

For a while this has been a general family blog, and I plan on continuing with that. Adopting Max Rup has really connected us to an amazing community and turned us into those people that want to shout about how wonderful adoption is - for the children and for the families they join. If you're not familiar with the Red Letter Campaign, please take time to visit their website at http://www.redletterscampaign.com/

So in addition to the continued family updates, I'll also be participating in their adoption journal blogs. A way to give back to a community that has given us so much over that past few years.